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教你怎样润色一篇雅思作文

2015-04-16 16:38

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作者:陈思佳

其实雅思写作6分并不是那么高难的挑战,但是不知道为什么鸭鸭总是很难摆脱写作5.5的命运。但是根据多年的教学经验,0.5分其实你就是那一点点的差距。下文是学生写的文章,观点和内容都比较好,但是语言表达稍微逊色一些所以肯定拿不到6分,但是红色字体是润色文章的部分,鸭鸭也可以自己尝试对应一下,很容易发现自己的问题,然后再把这些亮点融入到自己的文章里。在此,所有的文章都是几乎0生词的,因为很多考官满分的范文也并没有用一个我们不认识的单词。

  试题

  (2014.1.18)

  Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to school. What are the reasons? How can we solve this problem?

  学生范文(黑色字体)

  Human have flexible thought and feel curious about almost every thing they face, especially throughout their childhood, so it is not difficult to figure out why kids are hard to focus on schooling stuffs. (34 words)

  The obvious analysis of such a case is that primary education allows for more easy and loose sessions, where knowledge can be acquired easily by these cute and active young children. Thus they are more likely to be interested in other stuffs around them during the ‘leisure’ class time rather than concentrate on the class. Secondly, certain primary school teachers are that professional in attracting kids. This may be because they fail to catch the interesting point of boring course, leading students to playing some interesting gadgets like their stationery in front rather than suffer from the pain to take class. Children, in this age group, are too naïve to bound their attention on the courses or teachers for long time, because it is convinced that children have not generated the necessary ability of controlling their consciousness until they become mature. In other words, their curious mentality cannot keep pace with the rhythm of the class that the teacher is showing them. (162 words )

  There are, however, some measures to resolve the case. The best way to counter this trend is that primary sessions should be more frequent and shorter, thus maintaining learners’ enthusiasm and progress. The most concentration of children is easy to get attracted by something interesting, so teachers should produce joyful atmosphere of class to cater for their taste of this special age. It is also convinced that the degree of difficulty is bound to affect children’s mood for study. By that I mean, if the level of difficulty in learning material is increased to some extent, then their efforts will be led to working out what they cannot handle easily. (110)

  To be frank, kind of teachers and type of class are small assistance to catch children’s attention. Personally, the key to tackling the issue depends more on kids themselves and on their parenting at home. (35 words )

  修改完的文章341个单词,稍微有点多,但是鸭鸭们重点吸收语言方面的提升经验。通过以上方式,更加了解自己的写作盲点,更有助于鸭鸭早日达成自己的雅思写作目标分数,加油!  

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